Because the scriptures don't tell us much about Joseph we assume through the customs of the period that his betrothal of marriage to Mary was arranged and/or prescribed at an early age for both of them. In all probability Mary, was not much older than 12 or 13. Some think Joseph was much older because he died sooner. I believe Joseph was older because the age of manhood was about 30 years old. Frequently couples were matched by parents without prior consent from the boy and girl. Not always but this was the usual method; although some objected and overturned the decision.
Arranged marriages did not eliminate love. Love was expected to follow after the marriage was consummated. Great significance was placed on the betrothal or engagement period which normally lasted for one year. Often a ceremony, a feast and the exchange of gifts took place to make it official. After the engagement the couple were referred to as wife and husband, however, they did not consummate the union and some chose not to live together for another year.
If a man had sexual relations with another man's betrothed wife, the offender could be stoned to death as an adulterer. The custom of finding blood on the bedding after the husband and wife came together was extremely important. If no such evidence was found, he could terminate the marriage and bring disgrace to the bride's family. In some places the bride could be stoned.
Joseph was a carpenter by trade! He probably learned his trade from his father. Carpenters were not usually house builders because they were not made of wood. However, wooden trim and fixtures would be some of the things that they built, along with fashioning ox yokes, stools, plows, cabinets, carts and lattice windows. I read once they also made teeth!
"Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When His mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child of the Holy Spirit; and her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly. But as he considered this, behold, an angel of the Lord appeard to him in a dream saying; Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit; she will bear a son, and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins." Matthew 1:18-21
Imagine Joseph's predicament. Imagine remembering what the scriptures had said about "a child being born of a virgin and His name shall be called Emmanuel." Imagine the perplexity of the situation and the decision that needed to be made. However, when Joseph woke from his sleep, he did as the Lord commanded of him as instructed by the angel. God fulfilled His promise and made arrangements with Joseph thru Gabriel. Mary and Joseph were married quietly and she remained a virgin until after Jesus was born.
As you read the genealogy of Jesus as found in Matthew 1:1-16 you find that it begins with Abraham and concludes with Jacob the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary. This record shows the ancestry of the legal father of Jesus, not the natural. On the other hand, Luke traces the genealogy of Jesus through Mary. It begins with his earthly father, Joseph, the son of Eli who was actually Mary's father and therefore Joseph's father-in-law. The Luke genealogy ends with the son of Adam, the son of God. Can you imagine!
While it is popular to 'fall in love'. This marriage was made to grow in love. "Husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church." Ephesians 5:25a Love was something one could choose. With this attitude most marriages had great potential. In Matthew 19:8-9 Jesus indicates that the unfaithful, can be forgiven; you can choose to love them again. By Jane Ann Crenshaw 12/13/09
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