FIRST OF ALL, I still find it hard to think of Lynn being gone these past 5 months! Secondly; WOW, He has been in heaven for 5 months! I know I have asked this question before, but I want to put it out there again. "Do you really believe, that what you believe, is really real?" I heard the professor on the "Truth Project" ask that question. Profound to say the least! However, I really believe, that what I believe, is really real; and I pray you do too.
MY GRIEF through the past 42 years, have brought me to the realization, that I do not grieve without hope. My hope is in Jesus Christ and I believe in the promises of our heavenly Father. All is well with my soul! But grief, although not a stranger to me, is still something that I struggle with. Because Lynn live 250 plus miles from me, I did not see him often. When I did, it was as though we had never been apart. Even so, I did not share all my days with him!
THE PAST FEW YEARS Lynn and Kathleen shared in our anniversary celebrations and we in their's. We married January 27 and they were married on January 28th. We have had some wonderful experiences together and I will miss that time as couples! I admit, I didn't want to let him go; I did not want to experience, once again, the loss of a dear loved one. I remember the last time I saw him and how I felt walking away from the hospital. I remember my loud bursts of anguish and loss. I remember Jim and Joyce trying to comfort me! I didn't want comfort, I wanted to go back in that room, where Lynn was!
I HAVE TRIED to control my periods of grief. I have tried to be uplifting and encouraging to those who have and are still grieving. I accept the encouragement from those who love me and understand. But none of that kept me from having a dream so real, that when I was suppose to be awake I felt as though I was still in the dream.
THAT MORNING as Jim tried to comfort me, I could do nothing but sob and cry! Throughout the dream I kept saying; "I can't do this again!" "I don't want to do this again!" In talking with my friend, Iona Kay, she comforted me with; "you are normal!" "This is called a grief burst!" I don't entirely understand that concept, but those who have walked through grief; and have shared within circles of grief; and have attended workshops and conferences have a better understanding of what the body goes through during grief. Iona Kay has been there!
WE FIND IN PROVERBS, the proverbial bad vs the good. Once in a while you will find one that says exactly what you need. "Even in laughter the heart may be sad and in pain; and the end of joy is grief!" Proverbs 14:13 God gives us many reasons to praise Him even at times like these. "Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning." Psalms 30:5b Everything looks fresh and new in the morning. As the day begins again so can you begin again with a new slate. A new resolve! With the peace that passes all understanding!
WITH LIFE comes death! With death comes the awakening! What have you chosen to wake up to? What could be your home when you move from this place? Have you given it much thought? Have you taken it seriously or is it something you talk about with friends and cross your fingers behind your back?
"SEEK THE LORD while He may be found; call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that He may have mercy on him." Isaiah 55:6-7 By Jane Ann Crenshaw 10/13/10
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