EVERYONE GRIEVES at one time or another. We can grieve about losing weight, our jobs, moving, even our good health when it is not so good anymore. There are those who grieve, when their children leave home, under the guise of "empty nest syndrome." We experience grief anytime we feel a loss. Some will grieve more than others but nevertheless, grief is very real and needs to be dealt with. My sister Jeri, was the youngest and the one who would listen to Mom, when everyone else was too busy with their lives. So it didn't surprise me that she would be the one who was willing to say what had to be said during my time of grieving. What she did for me, at my lowest point after the loss of my brother Layton, shook me to the core.
I HAD NEVER experienced anything like the pain when Layton drowned. I know that I had a wonderful husband and two children, but that didn't keep me from feeling like my life was over. I spent many hours in the Word trying to find solace. I wasn't able to find it so I just kept looking and looking, to the detriment of my family and friends. Oh, I continued with teaching Sunday School. I continued singing. I continued many things but my heart was not in any of it.
MY SISTERS and I were scheduled to sing for a Mothers Day Banquet in May. I should have been better by then, after all it had been eight months. I even practiced two nights before. On Saturday morning, Jeri called me and said; "Where were you?" "What do you mean," I ask! "We sang at the banquet last night, where were you?" Before I could say anything else, Jeri said; "Look, you are not the only one that lost Layton. We all did! You are not the only one grieving." I must have mumbled something like "I'm sorry!" But the only thing I remember is that when we hung up, I felt like I had just been plowed into by a bulldozer.
I THOUGHT at the time, losing a sibling couldn't be the same as losing a spouse, or a child, or a parent or even a friend. Unknown to me at that time, losing anyone that is close to you day in and day out can be unbearable. Since that time I have lost four more brothers and two sisters. I have lost both my mother and father. I have lost numberous friends and each time it is as though a part of me leaves with them. Like aging, grieving is a condition of life.
THE INTERESTING thing about grieving for Layton was that I had never really grieved before. I realize, I had lost my father whom I loved, but I guess I was too young to realize the effect of death upon the body. I felt sad but not distraught! Old people are suppose to die! A friend of mine told me; "You have just experienced another part of life." I wasn't too sure I liked this new experience. I knew for sure, I never wanted to experience this again!
THROUGH Layton's death I really began to want to know more about heaven. When Larry died I was comforted to think they were together. As Lonnie, Lloyd and then Janice passed on I became anxious to see them all again; soon and very soon! With Jewel and then Lynn, I found comfort in knowing; "He would be with us always." Matthew 28:20b "I will never fail you nor forsake you!" Hebrews 13:5b
In one of my most desparate hours I begged God to show me that Layton was with Him. I cried in despair for reassurance! As I lay on the couch with tears streaming down my cheeks, I felt a warmth so encompassing that it was felt from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head. It lasted for only a few seconds and then it was gone. That very moment, I knew that I had just felt the presence and comfort of God. That very moment, I knew that Layton was with the Lord! I continued to grieve but not like one that had no hope! Jesus is my hope! Jesus can be your hope also. "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful!" Hebrews 10:23 By Jane Ann Crenshaw 2/2/08
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Though I've lost my mother and father and other relatives, I have never experienced grief like you speak of. I actually fear it. I picture it as sort of losing your mind--being so distraught. I only have one sister and brother. Now that my sister lives near me, we have grown even closer. I fear the grief I will have when she passes. She went through such a terrible grief when her son died 22 years ago. He was 22 then. Now she has another son with a bad heart condition. She said "I don't think I can endure losing another son." I should find a good book about how to live through grief and read it now, before I need it so I am prepared. Do you know of any? I sort of want to know what feelings I will experience and how to deal with them.
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